Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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