the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
