hotel room ftw
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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