The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
