I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
