i'm signing you up for texting rehab
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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