Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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