I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
