could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
