How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
