it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
