i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
then he tried to convert me to islam
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
