I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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