i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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