he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
