I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
