Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
