Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
