Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
