no, he came in my armpit
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
