why im i the only drunk person in the library?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
