I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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