Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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