he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
