I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
