the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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