420 ftw
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
