her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
