need another drink. this is the easiest way
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
