I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
