how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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