Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
