and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
