All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You work out of a Hotel?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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