WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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