you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
wow bdsm is so cute
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