ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize