This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
