I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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