I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
