Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There r osticjed everywhere
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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