I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
