At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
