So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
