pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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