Just took my morning after pill in the library
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
