i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
