The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
