think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
