Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
