i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
