oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
