my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
