she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
