but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
