he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize