why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
