ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
