id be glad to
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
