Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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