his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
