so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
