Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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