I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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