How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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