We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
