If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
