if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
