Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
