When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize