Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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