Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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