he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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