apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
