TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
