FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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