I want to walk on stilts...naked
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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