Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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