you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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