i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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