i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the condom got lost in my hair
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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