I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
