I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
