so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
