If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
