Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
