She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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