The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
