It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
