After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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