i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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