i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
