Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize