what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
