Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
