When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
