Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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