shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I cut my penus on the lid.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize