Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
