There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
