well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Duck Duck Cougar?
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
