Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
