theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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