My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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