Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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