He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
