maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
