you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize