Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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