We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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