if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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