You're my little dorito
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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