I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
