Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Even my vagina gasped.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
